The cold winter air blasted Timothy when the glass doors slid open. Yanking his shirt down so it would cover his exposed stomach, he set out on the enormous parking lot.
“Ok, now I need a way back to Kalamazoo.” He said quietly to himself. He spotted a beaten-up red pickup with a man slumped in the drivers seat, rap music blaring. He approached it cautiously, and found that the man was also wearing a Henry’s carpet cleaner shirt. Tapping on the window, he whispered “Hey, are you awake?”
The guy mumbled “Yea”
“OK, ah... can I get a lift?”
The man eyed him curiously, then shifted himself to be sitting upward.
“Henry, this is your car. You drive it yourself.”
“Henry? What are you- oh right. You’re saying I’m Henry? Ok...” Timothy grinned and ordered the man out of the drivers seat. The man stumbled out and got into the other side. He tossed Timothy the keys, and Timothy stuck them in the ignition. The car rumbled and Timothy clasped the steering wheel.
“Uh, how do I make it go?” He asked the man.
The man pointed at the pedals at Timothy’s feet.
“Oh. Right, I knew that.”
The man nodded, then continued attempting to rap along to the music. Timothy pressed down on one of the pedals. Nothing happened.
“I think this car is busted! It wont go!” He exclaimed
The man laughed and pointed out he was pushing down the brakes. Timothy reddened, and stomped on the gas. Nothing happened except for a starting noise from the engine.
“Um, dude. You still have it parked.” The man pointed out.
“I realize that! I’m trying to un-park it!” Timothy shouted and stomped on the gas again.
“No, I mean, you need to shift from park to drive.” He said calmly, as if this happens often.
Timothy looked around frantically, then asked the man “Ok, how do you do that?”
The guy shook his head. “You know, you don’t seem like you’d be able to drive safely... let me.”
Timothy immediately got out of the car and switched seats with him. The guy stretched the seatbelt over his vast stomach and they set off.

“Ok, where to?” The man asked once they pulled out of the parking lot. “Kalamazoo.” Timothy answered.
“Never heard of it. You sure we ain’t goin’ back to the office?”
“What do you mean, never heard of it? It can’t be more than a few hours away from here!” Timothy sputtered.
“Like I said, never heard of the place.”
“Uh... ok.”
They continued driving in silence, Timothy nervously sipped his water he found rolling around on the floor.
“So, why do you want to go to Kalamazoo?” The man asked.
“Because I live there!” Timothy answered.
“No you don’t. You live in Dunesburg, Nebraska.”
“Nebraska!”
“Nebraska.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Not kidding.”
“So... are we in Nebraska right now?”
“Henry, you drove us both here this morning. Of corse we’re in Nebraska!”
“Oh great...”
“Do you want me to take you home? Maybe you need some sleep or something.”
“I don’t need any sleep! I need my mommy!!” Timothy began to sob.
“Your mommy?”
“MOMMY!!”
The man grimaced, he was definitely not used to this.
“Dude, you really should just get home. I’ll take you there, we aren’t very far.”
Timothy sniveled.

Ten minutes later the car stopped in front of a dumpy-looking ranch house. The green-ish siding was falling off, and the gutters were all lying on the ground. It looked like snow was getting in through numerous holes in the roof, which had lost many tiles.

“We’re here. I’ll bring the car back tommorow.” The man announced. “Huh? Oh, sure.” Timothy mumbled and got out of the car. The man honked in good-bye, then drove away.

“Alright, now should I go in?” Timothy asked himself as he stood in front of the yellowing plastic door. He was about to turn away when the door was flung open and a very skinny woman with dyed blonde hair and bright red lipstick exclaimed “Where have you been?” She grabbed his arm and dragged him inside.

Everything smelled like cats and cigarets, with a hint of mildew lying in wait under it all. She dropped him on the sofa, which was brown with purple flowers. Timothy messed with the hole spilling pieces of foam on the orange shag carpet while the strange woman glared at him.
“I’ve been so worried! You said you’d be home by 6:00! Do you know what time it is? 6:15! Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?"
Timothy stared at her as she ranted on, then tried to say something.
“Gee, mom, I was kinda held up at work...”
“MOM?!! How DARE you call me mom! After two long, faithful years of marriage, you call me your mom?”
Timothy swallowed nervously and tried to explain.
“I’m sorry, I was kinda in a daze...” Timothy tried to stand, but the woman pushed him back down.
“Oh no you don’t, you’re staying right here until I get an apology!”
“I did apologize!”
“Then do it again!”
“I’m sor- you know? I don’t even know who you are! I’m outta here!” Timothy stood up and refused to let her push him back down. He stormed over to the door, and left.