It was a dark, rainy day when it all began. Hilary Tosmall and her husband Ned were relaxing after a long day of work. Hilary was getting a bottle for their young child, Timothy. “Who’s the bestest baby in the whole wide world? You are” She cooed and lovingly held him in her arms. Timothy giggled and wriggled around. Ned looked up from his paper and glared at the infant. “Hilary, make him shut up, I’m trying to concentrate” He snarled and furrowed his brow as he tried to sound out newspaper. Timothy was used to his fathers angry voice and thought it was a game. He giggled louder and reached for him.
“Awww look, he wants to play” Hilary said and held him out to Ned.
“Darn it Hilary, you know I’m allergic to babies” Ned shouted. Hilary rolled her eyes.
“You’re not allergic, silly, you just aren’t used to him yet”
Timothy clapped his tiny hands and laughed. Ned stood up and threw his newspaper across the room.
“I am too allergic to babies! I’ll prove it to you ”
He snatched Timothy from Hilary’s arms and stormed across the room to the window.

Tucking Timothy under one arm, he threw open the window. Timothy clapped even louder and shrieked in excitement.
“This’ll shut you up for good!”
He laughed manically and thrust his arms out of the open window and dangled Timothy outside in the cold, pelting rain. Suddenly a bolt of lightning raced across the sky and hit Timothy, burning him to a crisp.

Ned threw back his head and laughed.
“Ned What did you do?” Hilary screamed and tore a charred black infant from his hands. She held him close to her face and threw back her head into an anguished cry of “Nooooooo!!”
She knelt down on the floor and lovingly sat him down on the dirty carpet.
“My baby, my poor, poor baby” She howled, tears running down her face.

Three teardrops landed on Timothy’s blackened face. Ned stood next to Hilary and stared blankly at the child, not yet realizing what he did in his rage. He sat down on the floor and was just about to speak when another bolt of lightning, brighter than the first one cracked, right inside the room. Hilary shrieked and clutched the charred Timothy even tighter to her.
“The lightning has returned to finish the job!” She howled and covered her face. Then a strong, male voice filled the room, “Silly mortals, fear not, for I am Bob, The guy who is cool!”
Hilary jumped to her feet and wiped away her tears. “Wow! Bob! He’s cool!!”
Bob, a tall, blonde man with large blue eyes and perfectly white teeth grinned and fluffed his hair, “Of course I am, dude! Now lets get down to business!”
Hilary blinked and scratched her head.
“You’re gonna save my baby?” she asked. Bob winked and flashed a blinding smile,
“Of course, under one condition You must discover my secret, dude!”
Hilary stared at him for a few minutes, then burst into tears. “I don’t know!” She wailed and ran out of the room.

While all of this happened, Ned had picked up his newspaper and continued to read, only looking up when Hilary fled the room. Bob turned around and faced him. “Now it’s your turn to guess, dude ” He exclaimed.
Ned glared at him, “You know, Bob, they may think you’re cool, but it ain’t cool to disturb a man when he’s reading his paper.” He yelled.
Bob’s jaw dropped. “You discovered my secret, dude!” He put his face right next to Ned’s and whispered “I’m actually not very cool.”
Ned shook his head and sighed. Bob backed away and stared fearfully at Ned, and asked “What? Why are you shaking your head?”
Ned picked his paper back up and continued reading “Oh nothing” He said.
Bob dropped to his knees and clutched Ned’s knee “Please don’t tell anyone my secret I’ll be ruined I’ll never bee able to face the other Gods of Spiff ” He cried.
Ned sighed even deeper. “On one condition, only if you take Timothy away and I never see him again”
Bob gasped “Why don’t you want that sweet, angelic child of yours?” He asked. Ned glared at him, “Just shut up and take the freaking runt, OK?” He snarled.
Bob stood up and straightened his not-quite-designer shirt. “Fine, we’re out of here”

He snapped his figures and they were gone.

Bob traveled a few miles, then stopped in a field.
“Wakey wakey, eggs ‘n bakey ” He chirped and wiggled his long, perfect fingers in Timothy’s face. Timothy’s skin immediately got better and he sat up, rubbing his eyes with his chubby little hands.
“Awww, how’s my big boy doing?” Bob cooed and ran his figures through Timothy’s whitish-blonde hair.
“You’re a cutie, but I can’t take care of a baby What should I do with you?”
Bob let his gaze wander around the field they were sitting in and sees an Amish farmer.
“Oy You there with the funny clothes” He yelled and ran towards the man. The man glances at Bob and drops his shovel.
“Yes, what do you want sir?” He asks.
Bob holds Timothy out to him.
“You Amish always want more kids, right? Well, Merry Christmas”
The man takes Timothy and Bob disappears in a quick flash of magenta light.